My friend and I were discussing our current respective problems. We agreed that we have both come far in inner strength and problem solving skills since the death of our husbands. After we hung up, I sat with the phone in my hand, as the pain and fear from problems that I experienced in those first months, even years, of being a widow came flooding back.
After my husband died, every problem seemed a giant tsunami about to drown me. I would panic like the sky was falling. “Oh, my Lord, what am I gonna do…what am I gonna do…what am I gonna do?” would be a repetitive high-pitched refrain playing in my head.
I was terrified the entire time I called out to God for help, caught between faith and doubt, with doubt more or less winning out.
After a number of years of this scenario repeating, I reached a point where I would, taking a deep breath, say, “Okay, Lord, here’s another one, just in line with all the rest.” It seemed that all I had was problems, and I still shook, but chose not to panic. I had begun to learn that panic only made the problem worse, and that I could handle at least some things, and that I could trust in God’s help.
Today I know that I don’t have to have perfect faith or even a lot of it to get problems solved. All I need do is use what faith I have; more will be given as needed. Our God is a generous and merciful God.
It is St. James who tells us, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” (James 1:5 ESV)
Our Lord Jesus tells us, “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.” (Matthew 7:7)
Today I know—even if I often have to remind myself—that problems are gifts. Now, generally one does not say this in the midst of them. I’m a woman, not a saint. While I have matured to usually control the panic, panic can still get the upper hand, especially when the incoming water pipe to the water heater breaks loose and is pouring water into the laundry room—and there is no shut-off valve. But God was quick that time and sent a neighbor and my son to help. Increased knowledge and relationships and the ability to ask for help were the gifts in that one—all figured out way after the fact.
Thanks to this trip down memory lane, today I know that God knows my limits better than I know them and already has an answer for that pesky problem I mentioned at the beginning of this post. My part is to ask God’s help, seek answers, and trust.
Blessings,
CurtissAnn
Curtiss Ann Matlock 
Amen CurtissAnn. Yesterday was a terrible day. My mom has been sick for about a week. I have taken her to the doctor but all the blood work has come back negative. But she is still not well. I was so frustrated, I called out to God and said I can’t take this anymore. I called the doctor once again and this time I was told to take her to the emergency room. The doctor put IV fluids in her and after a couple of hours she was starting to feel a little better. The nurse said she needs a liquid diet for 24 hours and slowly start to eat. I knew God would bring me through but why did I doubt him? Because my body was weak and my faith was weaker. All the way home I praised Him and thanked Him for loving me and caring about me!! He is the great provider!! I am trusting Him today for healing of my Mom!! It’s not our time but His time. Amen. Thank you
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Linda, do not beat yourself up about getting panicky and worried. Yes, we doubt, but God so understands. And I bet God and his angels sure smiled with your praising. Today I know that it is every hard and worrisome time that I go through that builds my faith. Faith is not built in the easy times but in the crises of our lives. I hope and trust that your mom is better now. What a blessing you are!
XxxOO
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At almost 4 am here in Texas it is perfect timing to read your words. They were a much needed reminder at this crossroads of “questioning” in my life. Got up because my heartbeat increased a little. AFib does that at times. I sleep only on my left side, and the beating is felt more strongly when it happens. So it’s easier to sit up for while until it regulates again. I was comforted by your words, “All I need to do is use what faith I have; more will be given as needed.” I really needed that. And you quoted two scriptures that I use often. I needed those too. As for “Ask God’s help, seek answers, and trust.” – that part, I need to work on implementing more often. Thank you for the reminder.
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Special blog from one of my favorite sisters in Christ! Isn’t is wonderful that we can always count on Him to be by our side every day to guide us. Thank you for sharing these thoughts with us today my friend.
Love, Anne
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And thank you for reading, my dear sister in Christ. How precious is a sister in Christ!
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You are a very strong and independent woman Curtiss Ann! You’ve got this!💜💜
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I feel like I do now that I’ve written. Writing leads me to understanding. Thank you for the encouragement.
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