To Carry Me Forward

I do not do resolutions or goals. Those are hard words, girding up loins and doing it myself words, and that never works for me.

Hopes and Dreams! The very words echo of promise. They come from the heart, not the head, and they give me strength for glancing over my shoulder at where I’ve been, even while carrying me forward to where I’m going.

This year has seen a couple of large hopes and dreams come into being, and at the same time a couple being stomped largely and thoroughly into the ground.

What do you do with those stomped-on hopes and dreams? Well, I note them on bits of paper that I put into a crystal ash tray and set afire, watching the smoke curl upward until it is gone. Then I simply throw away the tiny spot of ash that is left. Done, over, gone. There’s a bit of a problem this year–have not found the crystal ash tray yet. Ah, but I do have an old cut crystal dish of my grandmother’s. It will do.

Last night I opened my annual Journal of Hopes and Dreams. Some of you may remember it. Each year since Christmas 2005, I have used it to hold my lists of hopes and desires, and prayers for these, too.

There is on the journal pages a long list of things that I especially like, ie cup of tea in the afternoon, painting my fingernails and toenails, listening to swing music, etc. The idea is to use the list when I’m feeling blue; I am to choose something from the list to do. When I read over the list last night, I realized that I need to update it. I have changed greatly.

I was surprised to discover the idea of moving recorded in my journal way back in 2005. I was wanting to move closer to town, to shopping, to our son, even back then. In 2006, I wrote a description of the place I wanted. It was to have a long front porch, a rear screen porch, trees, and an acreage for the two horses I still had then. In 2007, I got much more lengthy with description, same porches, but this time I mentioned pecan trees, and gardens for flowers and my roses, and a perfect space for my mother, and I narrowed my vision to 3 to 4 acres. I left out the horses.

In 2009, this hope came into being. Here I am, enjoying the porches beneath the pecan trees. I’m not always certain that sticking in those pecan trees was a wise idea, but I have horses right next door!

There were other desires and prayers listed, with dates for each noted. I read over them with wonder, even went back and read again, as I realized that each hope and dream noted has, in one manner or another, come to be.

And so I will sit again tonight, likely with a cup of tea, listen carefully to the voice within, and make the list of my heart’s hopes and dreams. Seeing so many have been answered, I’ll be bolder in my asking. I won’t let myself think that anything is too much to ask. New living room furniture will be on the list, and so will the intangible but priceless attitudes of fortitude and perseverance. I imagine the requests for those will take many repeats.

I have learned the truth of~

For everyone who keeps on asking receives; and he who keeps on seeking finds; and to him who keeps on knocking, the door will be opened.~Matthew 7:8.

Blessings for a very happy and hopeful New Year 2010!
CurtissAnn

5 thoughts on “To Carry Me Forward

  1. What a great way to let go of the hopes and dreams that didn’t happen! I may have to find myself a nice ash tray and follow suit.
    The pecans are wonderful, but a word to the wise: don’t look up if you are standing under a pecan tree in the fall. My Dad did once, and at the exact moment he looked up, a pecan let go and hit him about 1/8 inch from his eye, giving him a huge black eye! He had fun with it though, he kept blaming it on my mama, saying “the next time she tells me to sit down, I’m gonna listen!”

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    • From mid-summer on, it sounded like sporadic gunfire, with the pecans hitting the metal roofs. And dang! when you step on one barefoot. But Sweetie-pie has had such a good time learning to crack them by stomping on them, and he learned quick to tell good ones from rotten. He and Papa crack pecans all the time on the porch. Next year I hope to gather them and take them to the nutcracker. Hugs, CA

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