Wet morning, quiet and peaceful, and not a breath of a breeze, the air hot, yes, hot. I turned on the fan to blow away gnats and mosquitoes; it is welcome. The dark outline of trees that line the pasture begin to come into view, night lifting rapidly now. The day coming on, ready or not.
I’m not ready for today, nor was I ready for the frog that somehow landed on my leg that was curled up in the chair. I’d forgotten to shake the towel on the cushion before I sat down. The little critter–little rain frog– must have crawled from beneath it’s folds. I’d been lifting and shaking the towel each morning since the lizard incident, which my dear sister-in-law mention could have been a snake.
In an email this morning was a message from a friend, which read, “I’m in Paris…” No, I don’t want to be in Paris. But I do have the great urge to run away today. Tired of all the care-taker responsibilities. I can no longer leave my mother alone, and there is the ever-present need for making her meals. Jim used to say, “We can’t go…I’m afraid your mother will starve.”
I want to go and hide away from everything today. A not uncommon human urge on this big green ball. Just speaking of it eases it somehow. And this, too, shall pass, and until it does, I’ll imagine trips to the mountains or to the beach, and I’ll give my soul a rest right where I am by doing some small things today that make me happy. Come to think of it, I just did.
Writing always eases my soul, and while I was at it, daylight has come, as much inside as out.
Curtiss Ann Matlock 
7 responses to “Running Away, in my mind”
I was my mom’s. care giver for 3 years. After she died, we went to Niagara Falls. It helped me a lot. I love reading your posts.
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so glad you are feeling better now. caretaking is HARD. You are strong.
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I am pretty strong. Or rather God has always made me strong. We can always do what we have to do. We don’t always like it. :).
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Sending you images of Florida sun and green palm trees and a lovely, cool pool to relax by….even if it is just in your mind!
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Thank you, dear friend!
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Imagine the start that little frog had! I will hold you up in prayer, today, because you just need a little extra. You and I know you’ll muddle along and do fine, but it’s true, doing a little more for yourself if you’re a bit down is a good way to take care of yourself. I wish I could come down there and cook and care for your mom so you could get a tiny break. A weekend or something…
Thinking of you, Curtiss Ann, from very, very, very cold Vermont this morning (37-brrr!)
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Thank you, Tammy, for seeing the truth in me, ie, yes, I will muddle along and do fine, and I have lots of experience for that faith! I smile thinking of you and your words. What a gift you give me! And God has seen to a bit of a break for me today. All I had to do was open my eyes to see. XxxOoo
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