“We’ll set a limit when we’re ready, and not a moment before.” ~ Melody Beattie, Language of Letting Go
This morning I reached a space of commitment, direction, confident willingness and understanding of myself as a writer at this point in time. I did not arrive here automatically or by wishing. While not being in control of the timing of getting here, I have been working toward this space. I’ve been writing toward it daily and diligently, most of the time seeming to grope in the dark of lack of understanding, too many opinions from others, and general distraction. But I kept on, writing and trying ideas, and this morning it is as if my mind and heart have found all the pieces and put them together, and I know who I am as a writer and where I’m going.
I see two lessons. One can only get to this point by living each moment as it comes. We can’t live in the past, nor can we live projecting into the future. Life is always in the now, living it the best we can at the present moment. I used to think, “if only I were a better writer…” “if I had more time…” “when I have less distractions…” But in the meantime I did my best at the moment I had, with the writing ability and time I had. When we use what we have, more is added.
As I write this, I am care-taking my elderly mother, as her normal caretaker has an emergency. My mother is every few minutes going back and forth to the bathroom with the aid of her rolling walker. We have bells attached to it, in order to keep track of her, and they are ringing out as she passes where I’m writing in the dining room (in order to be at her beck and call). I don’t know if her stomach is upset, or she simply forgets already having gone. The dog does a lot the same in and out the back door. An approaching storm catches my attention, as does the Bewitched theme blaring out of Mother’s television. Responsibilities swirl in the back of my mind.
But I keep on writing, and the time has arrived to know myself as a writer today and be willing to follow the value of my work.
“These, then, are an artist’s goals: to work and to affirm the value of that work; to find success and make success; to play a role in the maintenance of culture and to affirm the value of that role; to find love, provide love, and affirm the value of love; and to minimize self-hatred and despair…” ~ Eric Maisel, Affirmations for Artists
Today, as most days, I followed routine. Dear heaven, I love my rut for the bit of security it gives my psyche. 8:45 am, and I reached the part in my routine when I bring the tea tray to my office–I scurry, as if any moment someone is apt to stop me with a tap on my shoulder– and sit down in front of my computer to work on a writing project. My goal is to pay attention to this work that feeds my soul, and hopefully my pocketbook, too. It is dedication to my writing craft that holds value for me.
But there are other things that hold value, too, other places where I find success, and that is in relationships. I had a letter from a cousin and I wanted to respond, and some letters from friends. When I applied the idea of first things first, communicating with family and friends came first this morning, because tonight was already spoken for. Only after I was into the communication did I realize that I was writing after all. Not on the project at the moment, but writing from my heart in the same way. And I was honoring what I value as my role in the great scheme of culture. And sometime in the future, all of what I expressed to these loved ones, all I heard from them, goes into making me who I am. All of it feeds the writer-me.
A writer writes every day. Letters count.
“Experiment. Try something new. Maybe you won’t like it. Maybe you’ll make a mistake. But maybe you will like it, and maybe you’ll discover something you love.” ~ Melody Beattie, Language of Letting Go.
Monday morning, and I looked at all I had to do. I tried to jettison some things that were not truly ‘have-tos’. Couldn’t find any. In fact, I thought of a few more things that had been put off too long. I ended up taking one of those things and jumping in to do it. Nothing at all to do with writing–it was making up a nutritious mash for my spring chicks. But I enjoyed doing it, and learned that sometimes I have to vary my schedule. Doing chores, especially ones that take me outside, renews my energy.
Then it was up to the sanctuary of my office. That habit, one I found by experimenting and putting writing time and solitude time first, has been established. It keeps me going, even though today’s schedule is not about actual writing. Today my focus is on publishing and making order here and there. The writer craft has evolved, and I’m evolving with it. I’m experimenting, and I have to say that I’m enjoying a great deal of managing my own properties. I really do!
I’ve read from several books on writer craft, as is my habit on Monday. What has popped up to me is the admonition to be open to new ideas, to jettison preconceptions. Funny, but each of the writers then tells me how to do it, and from his own ideas of what he is sure is the right way.
You know what–today, this week, I am going to jettison a lot of my preconceived ideas, as well as what so-called experts put forth, and I’m going to experiment with the wisdom that comes from inside myself.
I think in doing this I will be experimenting with what makes me happy.
God bless y’all,